Listening: Tell Her by Jesse Mccartney
Mood: Sad :(

I have rarely writen this much on my blog, I noticed after penning all this while having slight insomnia.

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There are people I know who write truthfully about their feelings, yet others write about their life so vaguely, that you can’t even see the ripples in the water. I admire those who really write with their heart.

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There are people who will be part of your life because they have made an impact on you, there are others who might mean something to you now, but they won’t in the future.

They are people I used to think I know them until things happened, then I realised, they were actually blind all these while, like those blind rats/mice you used to sing about when you were still in nursery/kindergarten/primary school(s). They were so blind that they get so absorb with what they think will make them happy, isn’t it sad? After it is what they THINK that makes them happy.

Through these years, since secondary school, I learned to grow up without my so-called friends and the adults that I used to befriend when I was still in FCBC. They lie to you that they will ALWAYS be there for you, but in actual fact they leave without a trace, expecting you to pick up after them.

There was a group of friends whom I thought was really my friend due to an amount of time we knew each other, but things happened yet they do not want to open their eyes to see. We are all over already, I did what I can to care for you as a friend, as a sister, as a mother, as a lover, but you threw it aside, not me as simple as that.

I wouldn’t really say that it was a real sad time then, because I knew it was God’s test on me, on my patience, my sanity, my mind, my life.

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During the 4 years in HS, some teachers perish yet the others perserved. There were people whom I thought was my friend, but in actual fact they were a wolf in sheep’s clothing. People whom I’ve trusted and others whom I also gave up on. And slowly I grew up though I couldn’t see myself any longer, I was lost like them too.

There are things I need to work out on my own, like my loyalty to God, after what happened when I was in church. It was something I couldn’t really believe that would happened to me 3 times under the same network, that it depressed me for over a period of time.

Was it the Devil’s doing or was it God’s will that I leave this church?
I do hope it is the latter.

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‘O’ levels came and went, and I was finally an ITE student, doing my Higher NITEC in Hospitality Operations. It was sad though, as I was the only HS student in class/campus, the wound was still fresh and I was real paranoid.

There was a point I wanted to give up just like some other students who have left our class, but I told, or I shall say, rudely reminded myself,

“Amelia, don’t be stupid. There are people out there who are fighting for this place, and you’re just going to give up just like this?! Don’t be stupid, girl. You, yourself, said that this is what you are REALLY interested in and you said that you will prove certain people wrong about yourself. So you better not give up…!”

Slowly I got to know of people who love me and hate me.
There were people who were willing to be true, and there were others who weren’t as real as they think.
There were people who made and break me too.

We learned together, we worked together, we fought together.

Love was exchanged, battles were won and lost, friendship grew stronger and weaker in the meantime.

We spent 1 1/2 years together, irritating and loving everyone to the core, camwhoring like no one’s business, cheered like we have never been before.

Things I keep seeing in my mind when I close my eyes:
Michael’s class cheer, Maya as our Rihanna, Nelly’s ‘singing’, Weitin’s participation in World Skills making us so proud of her, Sunarti saying, “JAWS, shuddup lar.” with that cheeky grin on her face, the nasi padang I patronised everyday with kak Sue, Ahda as the very cheerful girl no matter what happens, huifen as my manga partner, kade who will always call me “Dewgong”, there are loads I couldn’t finish describing here without tearing up and crying like a baby.

I seriously miss the times we all have together. I never thought 1 1/2 years would go by so fast in just a blink of an eye.

To those people who laugh at me, and others who laugh with me all these while.
I love you.

HPO, you have made the impact that I can never imagined happening.

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Graduation day will be happening in 1 week’s time or so.
I get emotional when I think of it as our last time together as a class.
Tears will definitely cling on me as we hug each other for the last time before we all go our separate ways, some to school, some to work and others to NS.

It might be impossible, yet it might happened if we made the effort. Please, let us all stay in contact, via smses, phonecalls, blogging, facebook, and what we can get.

I won’t forget you guys.

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Note: I will leave this entry on my blog till the end of Graduation day.

*Usual updates will be on LJ


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In a little while, we will all leave together, because tonight’s the night.

Be sure to make your final bow before our exits.

Labels: 2009, don't cry, friends, hospitality operations, ITE, love, lurve ones

Mood:

我知道,我不该POST在这里.



可是, 我已经忍无可忍了.



我也不知道我现在的DEPARTMENT的地位是什么呢???



*杂工的吧?

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edit:



i am going to erase you slowly out of my life, that you do not know what had striked you, b*tch.

I told you once, i will tell you one last time.

our 6/7 years of friendship is down the drains. i did what i could to be a friend to you, but you blew it on your own.

don't blame me if you find yourself alone on the streets.
don't blame me if you find what i said all comes true.
don't blame me if you find that i am wrong.

blame yourself for whatever that happened to you.

simple as that.

Labels: 6 years friendship down the drain, afterthoughts, anger, breakup, directions, erase, life, lose everything, lost, love, lurve ones, lurves, MAJOR, SHORT-CIRCUIT, thanks, what about maturity, whatever

listening: stop and stare by one republic
mood: *silently praying* GOD, LET ME HAPPY...!!!

projects are a lot (i don't believe that we have to submit them so soon...! *shriek*)
over drive manga is super COOL
PRINCESS SAKURA (in my list) IS A HARDCORE B*TCH (and i don't mean it as a compliment & never ever mention anything to me about her)
TV watching is going to be LIMITED soon
jobs-hunting a definite!
am so SINGLE (who wants a man who seriously CONSTANTLY LIES to YOU...!)
j-ROCK songs are making way into my mp3
money is definite neccesity in my life
might get a part-time job soon!
handphone not constantly with me (anything email or pm me on friendster/sgcafe)
changing blogskin soon (need to do linking first)

i wish i could seriously blog on whatever happened to me in the past 3-4 months, but honestly, am so lazy....! lol.

1. Great Grandma & Grand-Uncle passed away within one week from each other. Great-Grandma went first, then Grand-Uncle. but honestly ar, i ain't close to either of them though it seems that my great grandma is kinda nice... she passed away about 2 weeks after Chinese New Year.

2. B*tches who seriously wanna b*tch about me (especially you, PRINCESS SAKURA/SAKURA-HIME/YUZHEN), do it in my face, man... i don't like cowards okay? you want to play dirty, make sure you don't leave clues behind...! want to cat fight? i'll find a cat that is in heat and let you 'play' with it. don't SERIOUSLY try to piss me off. you wouldn't want me to do anything to you, do ya...?

3. hmm... can't remember what i wanna type le... argh...





oh yeah, i've researching on how to do latte art, since entp project last semester. damn cool, man...! probably i'll do a presentation on that during assembly. even miss deon was also curious on how professional baristas do that. lol. when i have my café's ready (ORION café), i'll go learn how to be a barista...!!! woo-hoo!!!

latte art, here i come!!!

Labels: afterthoughts, café, hurts, ITE, latte art, lurve ones, p*ssed, pfft, RANDOM, ruBBISH, screwed, SEXYBACK, SHORT-CIRCUIT, smack bUTTS, smiley faces, start business, tears, time, whatever, with lurve

mood: moo. moo. moo.
listening: Bridge to the Other Side

there's a Class Outing going on next week, argh, i'll only be returning form KL on that day ar... how??? *sigh*

i should start on my new year resolutions soon, man... maybe one for every month, how bout thaT? then i must motivate myself to do them..!!! *gosh, aren't i lazy?*

was inspired by curs' entry on her blog recently...

i miss...

GOD
CHURCh *i swear i ain't no goody 2 shoes christian*
being free!!!
some of my beloved friends i've not met for a very long time...
cosplaying as someone i can really relate myself to...
*curs, you, too... miss ya' nagging/SCOLDINGS!!!! XD*

gosh. i should really stop and take a lok around me, before i lose everything...

Labels: afterthoughts, bleh, boo-yeah, cursendra, directions, don't cry, God's LurvE, grown up, hugs and lurves, hurts, ITE, leaving, lose everything, lurve ones, sweet lurve, unrequited love, whatever

mood: i don't know, everything's in a mess now...
listening: Right Where You Want Me by JESSE MCCARTNEY

gosh. why do i feel that everything in my mind is in a mess?! i can't seem to get anything right at all... feel like crap...

...Girl,
There's something 'bout me that you ought to know.
I've never felt the need to lose control.
Always held on back and played it slow.
But not this time.
Baby, don't be gentle,
I can handle anything...

let me set things straight before i throw myself of the cliff. Yes, i'm single and VERY AVAILABLE now. but right now, i'm not ready to be in a relationship. i don't want to be the vulnerable one in the relationship, i don't want to get so scared each time i'm w/ a guy, i want that guy to be CHOSEN by GOD.

...Baby,
Take me on a journey.
I've been thinking lately,
I could use a little time alone with you.
Crazy,
Let's do something, maybe.
Please don't take your time,
You got me,
Right where you want me...

i'm afraid of being CHEATED. i'm afraid of losing my MIND. i'm afraid of hurting my LOVE ONES.

yes, i'll be lonely being SINGLE, but do you think it's really a problem to me? no, it's not a problem to me, at all. though it's getting tempting now to be in a relationship, i will stay abide what i've promised to myself, and also to GOD.

i admit, i ain't no goody-goody CHRISTIAN, i stll have more to learn in LIFE!

...Can't explain it,
How you swept me off my feet, unexpectedly.
In slow motion,
My imagination's running, trying to keep my body still,
I can hardly stand the thrill...

so please, i'm not LOOKING for LOVE NOW!!!

...Baby,
Take me on a journey.
I've been thinking lately,
I could use a little time alone with you.
Crazy,
Let's do something, maybe.
Please don't take your time,
You got me,
Right where you want me...

Labels: afterthoughts, gaah, God's LurvE, grown up, lost, love, lurve ones, not looking, sweet lurve, tears, what about maturity

- -A Couple's Heartbreak by Anonymous - -

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and, fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words.

What do you think were the four words?

The husband just said "I Love You Darling"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he have taken time to keep the bottle away, this will not have happened. No
point in attaching blame. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

Sometimes we spend time asking who is responsible or who to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. We miss out some warmth in human relationship in giving each other support. After all, shouldn't forgiving someone we love be the easiest thing in the world to do? Treasure what you have. Don't multiply pain, anguish and suffering by holding on to forgiveness.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.

Take off all your envies, jealousies, unwillingness to forgive, selfishness, and fears and you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.

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at times, love's just all you need!

Labels: afterthoughts, God's LurvE, hugs and lurves, love, lurve ones

Labels: dear dear, desmond, lurve ones

lurve ones...

kumi, kairi, finoa>> wives!
xxdaniellaxx>> mistress
claude>> son!
daisuke>> grandpa!
iamvirus>> otou-san!
Chrno Jing>> mama JING
yoshimotto datte>> onii-chan!
emina, jeFF>> yaoi gang!
jean>> jie2~

lurve you guys...!

Labels: lurve ones, relationships