in love now. :D


give us sometime till we are out in the open...!

Labels: 2009, life, love, relationships

Title: Ben
Artist: Michael Jackson






Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You've got a friend in me
(you've got a friend in me)







Ben, you're always running here and there
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's one thing you should know
You've got a place to go
(you've got a place to go)







I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(a friend) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben




---






i beg you, this isn't fun anymore.

Labels: 2009, don't cry, friends, hurts, relationships

Labels: 2009, letters to..., relationships, the end

About LOVE, what type of a person do you think you are?

For quite sometime, I think I am kind of like Usami Akihiko of Junjou Romantica. When it comes LOVE, you are willing to give up almost anything just to have the person you LOVE by your side. Well, I think I am somewhere between there, though I don’t think I really have the guts to give up EVERYTHING, to make the other party fall in love with you. *I draw a thin line somewhere you see.* I am envious at the part that Usami is able to give out his LOVE without feeling ashamed or whatsoever. Why can’t I be a little bit like this…?

I have been in and out of love, though I have NEVER cheated on anyone in my past relationships. Apparently, God has been kind enough to show what bastards my previous boyfriends were, one was in his 30s, another was sexually-deprived, and the very last guy, a cheating b*stard. One way or another, God was showing me things I have not realised at all. How His LOVE is greater than man on Earth were/are giving me.

It was real sweet that the first guy I dated, treated me like a princess, like a child, like I belonged somewhere. But there was something about him that was never assuring, that he was (and you think i will reveal on this public entry?!)… Things were kind of strange when I began thinking about our future. I took a step and broke up with him weeks later, citing that I am over and done with. And I heard that he left my previous company, probably couldn’t handle a rejection ay?

The second guy? A little close like the first one, but sadly, a sexually-deprived dude. Whenever we are out together, there was a need for me to be in his arms, in within his distance. It was suffocating, though my smses was worse. He never liked the way I handled OUR relationship and neither did I enjoyed the way he handled me, as if I was his toy. He dumped me (if I am correct), and we are just friends ever since. The name of this guy? Make a guess or just ask me. :D

Ah-hah, the last guy. The guy who really took me like a pathetic fool. Sadly, I am much smarter than he is. We were in a relationship for a while, when he began ignoring my smses and calls. Slowly, I realised, I wasn’t the only girl in his life. Damn, stealing boyfriends ain’t my cup of tea, baby. *shrugs* I saw photos of him with a girl pecking his cheeks, when I confronted him, he said that was his OLDER SISTER kissing him in front of his brother-in-law! What a joke! Guys, do your OLDER SISTER ever do that to you in PUBLIC? Hmm, I, as an older sister, wouldn’t do that to my sibling/younger sister. So anyway I pretended I didn’t know anything, but secretly I was collecting information, and one day he TRULY blew it, and I BROKE UP WITH THAT S*CKER. :) (And I love the way it feels when I am SINGLE once again!)

After each relationship, I felt so bad. I felt like I was cheating on God. Imagine how many times have His words keep reflecting in my mind on why shouldn’t I date these bunch of monkeys a.k.a. s*ckers. I was stubborn, refusing to take in ANY single words of His, making me feel more IDIOTIC. Damnit, why didn’t I heed God’s words when I hear it every time, I asked myself this. I felt miserable as I was too afraid of sharing these stupid feelings that I had with friends, though I know some were truly concerned. That’s when I realised how much I am in God’s eyes, through His little actions that kept me sane all these while.

It’s all right now. (Because I have been through WORSE.)

I am fine with being single. Yes, it feels kind of, well, strange, as it is closing on to Valentine’s Day soon in less than a month, but I am happy I am single, for now. Why bother to get yourself hurt by man who only want you as merchandise, instead of a SPECIAL GIRL that you are? If a man LOVES you for who you are, will he pressure you anything, especially SEX? Come on lar, don’t joke with me. Giving up your virginity/chastity for a man like them before MARRIAGE, sucks ‘kay? It’s stupid even in the first place that you believe in HAPPILY EVER AFTER at the age of, what? 16? LOL! Happily ever after is getting married to the man of your life and staying together for better or for worse to get old and die together lar(that means you guys were together for at least half a century…?!). Aiyo, sometimes reading teenagers/people’s problems about SEX ar, want to laugh, also cannot laugh, want to cry also cannot cry. It’s silly to begin with!

But anyway girls, don’t get taken in easily by SOME boys no matter what happens, they are just some buaya-wannabe. :)

*to the boys: not to be a b*tch here, but this a girls-only entry. :)
**to that someone, I still like you after 2 years, but now it is just a wee bit. Give me sometime to get over this, okay…? :) Or maybe just a little more, cause I will see you soon. :) And I will prove to you I am better than you think with my achievements.
***and YES!!!! I ISH FINALLY A SINGLISH USER!!! Or somewhere along that line or two…
****to the adults: don’t kill me for this entry, just needed to share some stuff with teenagers who might be reading my entries.

God, I really thank You for being there for me all these while, though there were times I knew You were very disappointed, especially at the boys I dated before. But God, please give me more of Your wisdom, Your sight, so I do not get taken in easily again. You knew somehow, how much this crush means to me in a way, so teach me to get over this. I need this, cause sometimes it kills me to sms him, I am just being Your silly little girl now… >_<>

Labels: 2009, boys, girls, relationships, reliefed, sex, sharing, SHOCK, why hermoine

listening: Per Il Senteiro by LISA ONO
mood: erm, somewhere among the clouds...

>>i've realised many ppl have changed since school started. (I'M NOT GONNA GOSSIP HERE) what happened...? what have you guys did to yourself during the 3 weeks vacations...? friends that i know are preparing to leave our class, what the bl**dy f*ck HAPPENED?!<<

just went for church service this morning. i felt the sermon today is so suited for me.

Abraham - Winning When You Don't Understand God's Ways
at times, i'm really lost, the future seems clouded, no one seems to understand. it was because ppl have once and twice again make me disappointed, or simply, i have HIGH expectations of them... but God has actually showed me grace and mercy and everything else, even when i was tough to myself... Many things in our life we don't understand, but it does not hamper us from winning under God's strength. a journey of faith is long, i have come to realise, but it's actually part of God's Journey. it would seem to be like an eternity, but it's worth the wait.

waiting can cause you to be bitter or better, i agree. i am not that patient, now i'm doing my best to be more patient, cause not everyone is on the same level as me, you see. real understading is when you actually obey them. example wld be that you're forbidden/not allowed to date, you have to obey your parents, as it is what God has entrusted you to your parents, to bring you up as a child of God. don't hurt them any longer, for your heart will be hurt, one day too.

There's so much mythology about getting together, and there's none about staying together. And staying together is what's so hard.
- Meg Ryan

Labels: afterthoughts, God's LurvE, help, holiday, ITE, relationships

listening: over you - chris daughtry (f*CK)

The greatest courage is the courage to be happy - Tibetan Proverb

gaah. why do i want to do something so RASH?! i was so close to diclosing thhings about him!!!! >,< argh. better sit down and cool down, man.

well, suki.luna is proud of herself today, cause she finished her NAFA test le, though don't think I'l pass all the test, i'm never the sports type of students... >,< i was cheering people even when i was running! hahaX. that's me, when i'm out of my mind, though not really DAT out of my mind.
my vacation is staring this week! yahho! am working for the next ten days starting from this saturday! yeah~ money~

i'll go cut my hair during the vacation too, i think... i want to start afresh ar...!!! after all this things... wouldn't anyone else one to start afresh too...?

gaah!!!! why does these few love songs seem to be playing in my mind?! gaah! *bangs head against table* argh. why. does. it. have. to. happen. to. me. gaah.

finoa>> sorry, for being DAMN tough to you. (tough lurve!) do try to put yourself in my shoe... i understand things that you're going through now.

kairi>> DAMN it. i think i'm in LURVE with you! hahaX... jus joking... i wanna meet up with you! X3

claude>> sorry ar. mummy today not really feeling that well. muacks~ but thanks for organizing anyway!

daisuke>> macross gave me my pics liao~ where's mine?! hahaX.

f*cking a**hole who broke my heart months back>> f*ck you. if i find out you're doing the same thing to your girl, you shall never see the daylight. f*ck you, bastard. i'm now your friend, not your girl anymore, so you better watch your back. your girl might be reading my blog any moment.

i want my MAROON 5!!!!!!!!!! maROON 5!!!!!!!! maroon 5!!!!!!

i'm bringing sexyback, yeah~ sh*t. DAMN affected by SHA liao. *growls*

GIVE ME MY MAROON 5!!!!!!!!!!!!

Labels: asshole, FUCK YOU, gaah, HIGH, hurts, kairi, maroon 5, over you, relationships

lurve ones...

kumi, kairi, finoa>> wives!
xxdaniellaxx>> mistress
claude>> son!
daisuke>> grandpa!
iamvirus>> otou-san!
Chrno Jing>> mama JING
yoshimotto datte>> onii-chan!
emina, jeFF>> yaoi gang!
jean>> jie2~

lurve you guys...!

Labels: lurve ones, relationships