Title: Ben
Artist: Michael Jackson






Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You've got a friend in me
(you've got a friend in me)







Ben, you're always running here and there
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's one thing you should know
You've got a place to go
(you've got a place to go)







I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(a friend) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben




---






i beg you, this isn't fun anymore.

Labels: 2009, don't cry, friends, hurts, relationships

Listening: Tell Her by Jesse Mccartney
Mood: Sad :(

I have rarely writen this much on my blog, I noticed after penning all this while having slight insomnia.

---

There are people I know who write truthfully about their feelings, yet others write about their life so vaguely, that you can’t even see the ripples in the water. I admire those who really write with their heart.

---

There are people who will be part of your life because they have made an impact on you, there are others who might mean something to you now, but they won’t in the future.

They are people I used to think I know them until things happened, then I realised, they were actually blind all these while, like those blind rats/mice you used to sing about when you were still in nursery/kindergarten/primary school(s). They were so blind that they get so absorb with what they think will make them happy, isn’t it sad? After it is what they THINK that makes them happy.

Through these years, since secondary school, I learned to grow up without my so-called friends and the adults that I used to befriend when I was still in FCBC. They lie to you that they will ALWAYS be there for you, but in actual fact they leave without a trace, expecting you to pick up after them.

There was a group of friends whom I thought was really my friend due to an amount of time we knew each other, but things happened yet they do not want to open their eyes to see. We are all over already, I did what I can to care for you as a friend, as a sister, as a mother, as a lover, but you threw it aside, not me as simple as that.

I wouldn’t really say that it was a real sad time then, because I knew it was God’s test on me, on my patience, my sanity, my mind, my life.

---

During the 4 years in HS, some teachers perish yet the others perserved. There were people whom I thought was my friend, but in actual fact they were a wolf in sheep’s clothing. People whom I’ve trusted and others whom I also gave up on. And slowly I grew up though I couldn’t see myself any longer, I was lost like them too.

There are things I need to work out on my own, like my loyalty to God, after what happened when I was in church. It was something I couldn’t really believe that would happened to me 3 times under the same network, that it depressed me for over a period of time.

Was it the Devil’s doing or was it God’s will that I leave this church?
I do hope it is the latter.

---

‘O’ levels came and went, and I was finally an ITE student, doing my Higher NITEC in Hospitality Operations. It was sad though, as I was the only HS student in class/campus, the wound was still fresh and I was real paranoid.

There was a point I wanted to give up just like some other students who have left our class, but I told, or I shall say, rudely reminded myself,

“Amelia, don’t be stupid. There are people out there who are fighting for this place, and you’re just going to give up just like this?! Don’t be stupid, girl. You, yourself, said that this is what you are REALLY interested in and you said that you will prove certain people wrong about yourself. So you better not give up…!”

Slowly I got to know of people who love me and hate me.
There were people who were willing to be true, and there were others who weren’t as real as they think.
There were people who made and break me too.

We learned together, we worked together, we fought together.

Love was exchanged, battles were won and lost, friendship grew stronger and weaker in the meantime.

We spent 1 1/2 years together, irritating and loving everyone to the core, camwhoring like no one’s business, cheered like we have never been before.

Things I keep seeing in my mind when I close my eyes:
Michael’s class cheer, Maya as our Rihanna, Nelly’s ‘singing’, Weitin’s participation in World Skills making us so proud of her, Sunarti saying, “JAWS, shuddup lar.” with that cheeky grin on her face, the nasi padang I patronised everyday with kak Sue, Ahda as the very cheerful girl no matter what happens, huifen as my manga partner, kade who will always call me “Dewgong”, there are loads I couldn’t finish describing here without tearing up and crying like a baby.

I seriously miss the times we all have together. I never thought 1 1/2 years would go by so fast in just a blink of an eye.

To those people who laugh at me, and others who laugh with me all these while.
I love you.

HPO, you have made the impact that I can never imagined happening.

---

Graduation day will be happening in 1 week’s time or so.
I get emotional when I think of it as our last time together as a class.
Tears will definitely cling on me as we hug each other for the last time before we all go our separate ways, some to school, some to work and others to NS.

It might be impossible, yet it might happened if we made the effort. Please, let us all stay in contact, via smses, phonecalls, blogging, facebook, and what we can get.

I won’t forget you guys.

---

Note: I will leave this entry on my blog till the end of Graduation day.

*Usual updates will be on LJ


---

In a little while, we will all leave together, because tonight’s the night.

Be sure to make your final bow before our exits.

Labels: 2009, don't cry, friends, hospitality operations, ITE, love, lurve ones

Rule One:
You will receive a body. You may love it or hate it, but it will be yours for the duration of your life on Earth.

Rule Two:
You will be presented with lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called 'life.' Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or hate them, but you have designed them as part of your curriculum.

Rule Three:
There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation, a series of trials, errors, and occasional victories. The failed experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that work.

Rule Four:
A lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons will be repeated to you in various forms until you have learned them. When you have learned them, you can then go on to the next lesson.

Rule Five:
Learning does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

Rule Six:
'There' is no better than 'here'. When your 'there' has become a 'here,' you will simply obtain a 'there' that will look better to you than your present 'here'.

Rule Seven:
Others are only mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

Rule Eight:
What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you.

Rule Nine:
Your answers lie inside of you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

Rule Ten:
You will forget all of this at birth. You can remember it if you want by unravelling the double helix of inner knowing.

--Cherie Carter-Scott, From "If Life is a Game, These are the Rules"
http://www.ijourney.org/audio.php?op=play&tid=521

Labels: 2009, afterthoughts, blessed, don't cry, forgiveness, gimme, girls, HK, HPO, pretty lights

Mood: Touché, or something else…
Listening: Take Your Sweet Time by Jesse McCartney

I was watching America’s Got Talent, which started on Thursday 3rd September 2008, 7.30pm on Channel 5.

Didn’t realised there so much of talents lurking around. A boy who could stick the tongue reaching his bottom eyelid, little girl singing touching people’s hearts, a transsexual impersonating, or rather, mastered the skill of being Britney Spears (He’s one of the few men I’ve seen doing a great job as her). But what had caught my attention, was this huge fella’ doing opera.

They had a mini interview about this man. He is an insurance salesman and he is 32 years old. He talked about his mother being the moral support for him, the light of his life. He began to had tears in his eyes, talking about how is mother painstakingly brought him up with his brother. He said that he wouldn’t be at the audition if not for his mother’s support. Tears continued rolling down his cheeks. This man got through the audition and the first thing he did was to call his mother, telling her that she had gotten in.

Wow. A grown man crying when he talks about his mother. I am touched, wouldn’t you be too? In my entire life, I have rarely seen man crying especially over his first love of his life, his mother. It just shows how much he is close with his mother, unlike other men these days.

If there’s such a man in Singapore, I’ll definitely marry him. Cause it means how much he appreciates his family. Tell me, how much man in Singapore will weep over how much his mother sacrifice for him throughout his growing years?

I want a man who appreciates his family members, not someone who ignores them when he reaches home from a long day in school/work/where-ever/whatever.

I want a man who will love me as the woman that I am, not some bl**dy f*ck toy. I am not one to begin with.

I’ve been in relationships before, things have happened to me before. But these won’t stop me in believing in finding that special man of my life. I know he is out there somewhere, as we pray for each other’s appearance in each other’s lives.

I’ll stay positive. I’ll stay pure for him.

Erm, I know, I sound kind of dreamy, kinda like Luna Lovegood (Pss, I think she’s real dreamy…). But a girl, no matter how, wants her PERFECT man, to be PERFECT (in her eyes, maybe…).

So yeah, JAWS wants a PERFECT man for her birthday next year! Gimme…!

Cheerios! XD

Labels: afterthoughts, don't cry, gaah, love, lurves, man

mood: moo. moo. moo.
listening: Bridge to the Other Side

there's a Class Outing going on next week, argh, i'll only be returning form KL on that day ar... how??? *sigh*

i should start on my new year resolutions soon, man... maybe one for every month, how bout thaT? then i must motivate myself to do them..!!! *gosh, aren't i lazy?*

was inspired by curs' entry on her blog recently...

i miss...

GOD
CHURCh *i swear i ain't no goody 2 shoes christian*
being free!!!
some of my beloved friends i've not met for a very long time...
cosplaying as someone i can really relate myself to...
*curs, you, too... miss ya' nagging/SCOLDINGS!!!! XD*

gosh. i should really stop and take a lok around me, before i lose everything...

Labels: afterthoughts, bleh, boo-yeah, cursendra, directions, don't cry, God's LurvE, grown up, hugs and lurves, hurts, ITE, leaving, lose everything, lurve ones, sweet lurve, unrequited love, whatever

listening: big girls don't cry - FERGIE (boo-yeah!)
mood: blank. *ptui

you see, you have proven me right! and you finally knew the entry was dedicated to you!

you blame me for not having MSN?! bl**dy trivial! i'm not using hotmail anymore by the way!

maybe i am a kid trying to be an adult, gosh, aren't we all the same?

after what you've been through, can't i be worried for you? each time you're hurt, do you know i feel so crap-up for you?! each time you fall into depression, i feel so sh*tty!

okay, if you forgot your phone, i have nothing much to say. but do you know the way you just brush me off after that, i expected better from you, do you know that?! i called some of your friends, asking whether did you mentioned anything to them, that was how worried i was!

well, i didn't know life was so not worth living for! after all you've been through...!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

gosh... i'm having low blood pressure now. been having this sudden drop in sugar level for the past few days, just hope it's not something else i dread the most...

gosh, i ain't perfect!

i used to have thoughts of commiting suicide, imagine when i die, wondering who will come to my funeral, who will cry over my body. but HEY! i won't do THAT ANYMORE! life's still worth living!

i will be a good mother to my kids, i'll adopt kids too. i'll read to them story books every night, making them laugh with the very bad impersonation of the 3 lil' piggies. i'll kiss them good night, slobbering over them like a dog. i'll tell them how much i love them, unlike how little my mum has ever said such words to me...

shhh.

...I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry...

we're all growing, learning, loving, each time we take a breath on this earth, do you know that? each time we smile, laugh, frown, it's emotions EVOKED.

perhaps we lost people in our life, perhaps we love someone who those not return the favor, perhaps we might feel like ending our life now, please don't lose hope. Hope is a beautiful thing (somebody thought me this...! *winks). it makes you carry on with your life, no matter hard it could be...

...The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay...

slowly, you'll see how i feel.

...Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity...

I'M ECCENTRIC, don't forget this fact!!!!

Labels: adopt, afterthoughts, boo-yeah, change, dissapointed, don't cry, gaah, gimme, grown up, help, hurts, lost, love, more than words, over you, panic, thanks, unrequited love, what about maturity