When I woke up, I was alone In a room painted black I couldn't see or hear anything One person shivering in the darkness
The cieling had a large hole It was easy to see a big spring in it Suddenly there was a sound I knew this ghastly voice
"Boy's crimes are getting old" "You're far from me forever" "It left from this room" it said
Remembering all of that moment Naturally repeating that sin over and over Realizing the reason it all ended Having to go back to those days
Both of my arms are in red handcuffs Someone is surely spilling the colour of blood Both of my ankles are in blue chains They are surely the colour of someone's tears
"Ru ri ra ru ri ra.." the song said Who seems to be singing this lullaby..
How much time seems to go by Searching for the changing spring Suddenly I hear A singing voice to heal me
One day I notice That the song has a real meaning And now it's my lullaby New words are added to it
From the opening of the spring A tiny northern light Very surely You're giving a message
The spring's surroundings start to talk quietly "It's not that your sins aren't tolerated" However, the water spoke and evil spoke We will try to change those facts
The red handcuffs fall off and I start to talk "After this, you will be born again" The blue shackles fall off and I talk to you "Today is your new Birthday"
Everything around us is dyed white Very soon we will meet again
Where it began, I can't begin to know when
But then I know it's growing strong
Oh, wasn't the spring, whooo
And spring became the summer
Who'd believe you'd come along
Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would
And now I, I look at the night, whooo
And it don't seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two, oh
And when I hurt
Hurting runs off my shoulder
How can I hurt when holding you
Oh, one, touching one, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
Oh I've been inclined to believe it never would
Ohhh, sweet Caroline, good times never seem so good
---
I'll reach out and touch you like how you've done for me...! :)
Push...Puuush!" I called out to my friend, but it appeared that there was no use in trying anymore. My car was stuck in the mud, and I was on a double date. I was just 16 years old, and I wanted to make a good impression on my pretty and intelligent date. However, hearing the motor rev with the car still stuck in the mud did not earn brownie points for my friend or me in the eyes of our dates.
We continued to push and push, but there was no getting my car "unstuck" from the mud. Sharon, my date, was revving the car's engine while Jeff and I were pushing and pushing. Finally, I said, "Enough!" Embarrassed, I approached Sharon as she sat behind the wheel of my mother's red station wagon. Before I could speak I noticed the gear on the car: It was set on neutral!"
I set the gear to "drive," instructed Sharon to wait until I gave her the signal to press down on the accelerator, and then went back to help Jeff push the car out of the mud.
That was our first date. Even though I got mud on my slacks, I had love in my heart. I was "stung" by the Love Bug.
Sharon and I dated seriously throughout high school. I went away to college as Sharon was finishing her senior year in high school. Our love, which was blooming, was only matched in size by our long-distance telephone bills.
The next year, Sharon joined me at the University of Texas. We were so happy. We thought we were on top of the world. We thought our lives were set. That was true until that eventful evening when in a split second our lives changed forever.
On February 18, 1981, we were studying at the library of the University. It was late, and Sharon told me that she had to return to her dormitory to go to sleep. We slid into my car and headed toward her dorm, but, unfortunately, my gas gauge was registering "empty." I pulled into a nearby convenience store, borrowed $2 from Sharon, and walked into the store to pay for the gas.
Things do not always work out as one plans them. Unfortunately, the store was in the midst of a robbery, and one of the thieves forced me into the cooler. He followed me, pushed me to the floor, and calmly shot me in the back of the head-execution-style! The story does not end there. Yes, the criminal thought I was dead, thus eliminating any witness to the crime. However, when the thieves left the store, I still had a faint pulse.
Very few people believed I would remain alive much longer. That is why the police transferred my case to the Homicide division. That is also why the neurosurgeon, when he was awakened at his home to see me at the hospital, came quickly but returned home, as he believed an operation would be futile.
However, when the doctor returned to the hospital in the morning, he was shocked to see that I was still alive. He told my parents that an operation was necessary, but he added that he would be surprised if I survived the surgery.
I fooled all of the medical experts and survived the surgery. However, the surgeon warned my parents that even though I was still breathing, I would probably never be able to communicate with anyone or understand anyone who was attempting to communicate with me. Basically, the surgeon stated, I would be "a vegetable."
Hearing those words, my father told Sharon, "Get on with your life."
Sharon quickly replied, "Mike is my life."
Even though we were not yet married, Sharon believed in the vows, "in sickness and in health." She dropped out of college for one semester to be with me at the Rehabilitation Hospital in Houston where I was eventually transferred. Sharon was spending her time with her "drooling boyfriend in the hospital" while other college freshmen were spending their time at parties.
Eventually, Sharon returned to Austin to continue her college education. Once again we had enormous phone bills. My goal was to also return to Austin, to the University of Texas, to be with Sharon. Eighteen months after no one thought I would survive, I accomplished that goal. One of the primary reasons was ... Sharon, my love, who refused to give up or give in.
Four years after returning to college I graduated. For me, that meant I could finally propose to Sharon, my light at the end of the dark tunnel. She was the one who would always encourage me to look forward and not to focus on the past.
On a beautiful day in May, Sharon and I exchanged vows and were married. We were meant to be together. We had dated for nine long and eventful years, but I realized at the wedding that it was worth everything. Sharon was truly my soul mate.
We have been married for many years and we have a beautiful daughter, Shawn. We have experienced so much-some bad, but more, much more, good. This is not just a "love letter" to my wife but the story of a girl's overcoming everyone's "rational" thoughts to stay behind with her critically injured boyfriend. To me it shows what kind of woman Sharon is--a beauty inside and out. Further, it shows the lesson of not giving up on one's dreams. I give Sharon all the credit for my recovery-not me. I don't know where I would be without her-definitely not where I am today.
---
TO ALL FRIENDS
HAVE A HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR & VALENTINE'S DAY! <3
To-do List: - DIVA: Star Date (Solo/Duo) - PASTA Ah Boy: Sailor - CHIBI GREEN: Nyan Nyan - OMNITRIX: Young & Old - THE BOY WHO LIVED (maybe): School Days - DIVA: 妖精 (final project)
in a little while, we will all leave together, because tonight’s the night
Listening: Tell Her by Jesse Mccartney
Mood: Sad :(
I have rarely writen this much on my blog, I noticed after penning all this while having slight insomnia.
---
There are people I know who write truthfully about their feelings, yet others write about their life so vaguely, that you can’t even see the ripples in the water. I admire those who really write with their heart.
---
There are people who will be part of your life because they have made an impact on you, there are others who might mean something to you now, but they won’t in the future.
They are people I used to think I know them until things happened, then I realised, they were actually blind all these while, like those blind rats/mice you used to sing about when you were still in nursery/kindergarten/primary school(s). They were so blind that they get so absorb with what they think will make them happy, isn’t it sad? After it is what they THINK that makes them happy.
Through these years, since secondary school, I learned to grow up without my so-called friends and the adults that I used to befriend when I was still in FCBC. They lie to you that they will ALWAYS be there for you, but in actual fact they leave without a trace, expecting you to pick up after them.
There was a group of friends whom I thought was really my friend due to an amount of time we knew each other, but things happened yet they do not want to open their eyes to see. We are all over already, I did what I can to care for you as a friend, as a sister, as a mother, as a lover, but you threw it aside, not me as simple as that.
I wouldn’t really say that it was a real sad time then, because I knew it was God’s test on me, on my patience, my sanity, my mind, my life.
---
During the 4 years in HS, some teachers perish yet the others perserved. There were people whom I thought was my friend, but in actual fact they were a wolf in sheep’s clothing. People whom I’ve trusted and others whom I also gave up on. And slowly I grew up though I couldn’t see myself any longer, I was lost like them too.
There are things I need to work out on my own, like my loyalty to God, after what happened when I was in church. It was something I couldn’t really believe that would happened to me 3 times under the same network, that it depressed me for over a period of time.
Was it the Devil’s doing or was it God’s will that I leave this church?
I do hope it is the latter.
---
‘O’ levels came and went, and I was finally an ITE student, doing my Higher NITEC in Hospitality Operations. It was sad though, as I was the only HS student in class/campus, the wound was still fresh and I was real paranoid.
There was a point I wanted to give up just like some other students who have left our class, but I told, or I shall say, rudely reminded myself,
“Amelia, don’t be stupid. There are people out there who are fighting for this place, and you’re just going to give up just like this?! Don’t be stupid, girl. You, yourself, said that this is what you are REALLY interested in and you said that you will prove certain people wrong about yourself. So you better not give up…!”
Slowly I got to know of people who love me and hate me.
There were people who were willing to be true, and there were others who weren’t as real as they think.
There were people who made and break me too.
We learned together, we worked together, we fought together.
Love was exchanged, battles were won and lost, friendship grew stronger and weaker in the meantime.
We spent 1 1/2 years together, irritating and loving everyone to the core, camwhoring like no one’s business, cheered like we have never been before.
Things I keep seeing in my mind when I close my eyes:
Michael’s class cheer, Maya as our Rihanna, Nelly’s ‘singing’, Weitin’s participation in World Skills making us so proud of her, Sunarti saying, “JAWS, shuddup lar.” with that cheeky grin on her face, the nasi padang I patronised everyday with kak Sue, Ahda as the very cheerful girl no matter what happens, huifen as my manga partner, kade who will always call me “Dewgong”, there are loads I couldn’t finish describing here without tearing up and crying like a baby.
I seriously miss the times we all have together. I never thought 1 1/2 years would go by so fast in just a blink of an eye.
To those people who laugh at me, and others who laugh with me all these while.
I love you.
HPO, you have made the impact that I can never imagined happening.
---
Graduation day will be happening in 1 week’s time or so.
I get emotional when I think of it as our last time together as a class.
Tears will definitely cling on me as we hug each other for the last time before we all go our separate ways, some to school, some to work and others to NS.
It might be impossible, yet it might happened if we made the effort. Please, let us all stay in contact, via smses, phonecalls, blogging, facebook, and what we can get.
I won’t forget you guys.
---
Note: I will leave this entry on my blog till the end of Graduation day.
I was asking otou-san what love meant and he said this…
“I can tell u what I think is love but I have no experience in it. The love u are talking about is probably the kind where when the person u like is not around and u miss having them around, u constantly think or are reminded about them, u find yourself wanting to do things for the person. U generally are happier and have a kind of mid excitement (something like that) when u are with them and interact with them. Some ppl become noticeably different from usual. Does that help?”
Honestly, it’s helping yet it isn’t. This confused feeing here in my heart understands yet it doesn’t. Is it because we are still confused with what we want and need? Is it possible that the answers have been there all these while, we are just too afraid to face the truth cause it hurts?
Love is a real wonderful feeling, it is about showing affection to the people you care for, like your family, friends and to your other half. But what becomes of Love if you abuse it? By cheating on your girlfriend? By hitting your child? By not telling the truth about how you feel? What is that called now?
I guess I am just like any typical girl, someone who is waiting for her Prince Charming to take her away. Someone who will hold me close when things are terribly wrong, laying feather kisses on my forehead. Someone who will tease me for being such a blur sotong, trying too hard not to laugh. Someone who will look at me in the eye, before kissing me passionately under the rain.
When I find you, I will sing you the song from my heart, about how long I have been waiting for you. I will act like a child in front of you, our pinkies tightly entwined. I will kiss you back on your forehead, caressing you softly, though you might see a tinge of blush across my cheek. I will look at you and pat you to sleep, like how a mother does, and smile about how Love is such an adventure.
Let’s get ourselves ready before we meet alright? Let’s make the final changes before we go through our very last adventures together alright? Let’s count the days we are left till we meet each other for the first time.
I have met you my dreams, haven’t I? I guess we are close to reality right?
We will meet soon.
---
To Mr M: Since you are so bent on not replying ANY of my smses or even picking up of my calls, I am just going to leave you the way it is. If you want the friendship (which I guess you do not have any interest in the first place) talk to me. I don’t like guessing what the f*ck you have in your mind. I am being truthful already, it’s your answer that is going to mean everything.
i am going to erase you slowly out of my life, that you do not know what had striked you, b*tch.
I told you once, i will tell you one last time.
our 6/7 years of friendship is down the drains. i did what i could to be a friend to you, but you blew it on your own.
don't blame me if you find yourself alone on the streets. don't blame me if you find what i said all comes true. don't blame me if you find that i am wrong.
Mood: Touché, or something else… Listening: Take Your Sweet Time by Jesse McCartney
I was watching America’s Got Talent, which started on Thursday 3rd September 2008, 7.30pm on Channel 5.
Didn’t realised there so much of talents lurking around. A boy who could stick the tongue reaching his bottom eyelid, little girl singing touching people’s hearts, a transsexual impersonating, or rather, mastered the skill of being Britney Spears (He’s one of the few men I’ve seen doing a great job as her). But what had caught my attention, was this huge fella’ doing opera.
They had a mini interview about this man. He is an insurance salesman and he is 32 years old. He talked about his mother being the moral support for him, the light of his life. He began to had tears in his eyes, talking about how is mother painstakingly brought him up with his brother. He said that he wouldn’t be at the audition if not for his mother’s support. Tears continued rolling down his cheeks. This man got through the audition and the first thing he did was to call his mother, telling her that she had gotten in.
Wow. A grown man crying when he talks about his mother. I am touched, wouldn’t you be too? In my entire life, I have rarely seen man crying especially over his first love of his life, his mother. It just shows how much he is close with his mother, unlike other men these days.
If there’s such a man in Singapore, I’ll definitely marry him. Cause it means how much he appreciates his family. Tell me, how much man in Singapore will weep over how much his mother sacrifice for him throughout his growing years?
I want a man who appreciates his family members, not someone who ignores them when he reaches home from a long day in school/work/where-ever/whatever.
I want a man who will love me as the woman that I am, not some bl**dy f*ck toy. I am not one to begin with.
I’ve been in relationships before, things have happened to me before. But these won’t stop me in believing in finding that special man of my life. I know he is out there somewhere, as we pray for each other’s appearance in each other’s lives.
I’ll stay positive. I’ll stay pure for him.
Erm, I know, I sound kind of dreamy, kinda like Luna Lovegood (Pss, I think she’s real dreamy…). But a girl, no matter how, wants her PERFECT man, to be PERFECT (in her eyes, maybe…).
So yeah, JAWS wants a PERFECT man for her birthday next year! Gimme…!
mood: i don't know, everything's in a mess now... listening: Right Where You Want Me by JESSE MCCARTNEY
gosh. why do i feel that everything in my mind is in a mess?! i can't seem to get anything right at all... feel like crap...
...Girl, There's something 'bout me that you ought to know. I've never felt the need to lose control. Always held on back and played it slow. But not this time. Baby, don't be gentle, I can handle anything...
let me set things straight before i throw myself of the cliff. Yes, i'm single and VERY AVAILABLE now. but right now, i'm not ready to be in a relationship. i don't want to be the vulnerable one in the relationship, i don't want to get so scared each time i'm w/ a guy, i want that guy to be CHOSEN by GOD.
...Baby, Take me on a journey. I've been thinking lately, I could use a little time alone with you. Crazy, Let's do something, maybe. Please don't take your time, You got me, Right where you want me...
i'm afraid of being CHEATED. i'm afraid of losing my MIND. i'm afraid of hurting my LOVE ONES.
yes, i'll be lonely being SINGLE, but do you think it's really a problem to me? no, it's not a problem to me, at all. though it's getting tempting now to be in a relationship, i will stay abide what i've promised to myself, and also to GOD.
i admit, i ain't no goody-goody CHRISTIAN, i stll have more to learn in LIFE!
...Can't explain it, How you swept me off my feet, unexpectedly. In slow motion, My imagination's running, trying to keep my body still, I can hardly stand the thrill...
so please, i'm not LOOKING for LOVE NOW!!!
...Baby, Take me on a journey. I've been thinking lately, I could use a little time alone with you. Crazy, Let's do something, maybe. Please don't take your time, You got me, Right where you want me...
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter.
The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and, fascinated with its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband.
When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words.
What do you think were the four words?
The husband just said "I Love You Darling"
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he have taken time to keep the bottle away, this will not have happened. No point in attaching blame. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.
Sometimes we spend time asking who is responsible or who to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. We miss out some warmth in human relationship in giving each other support. After all, shouldn't forgiving someone we love be the easiest thing in the world to do? Treasure what you have. Don't multiply pain, anguish and suffering by holding on to forgiveness.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.
Take off all your envies, jealousies, unwillingness to forgive, selfishness, and fears and you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.
you see, you have proven me right! and you finally knew the entry was dedicated to you!
you blame me for not having MSN?! bl**dy trivial! i'm not using hotmail anymore by the way!
maybe i am a kid trying to be an adult, gosh, aren't we all the same?
after what you've been through, can't i be worried for you? each time you're hurt, do you know i feel so crap-up for you?! each time you fall into depression, i feel so sh*tty!
okay, if you forgot your phone, i have nothing much to say. but do you know the way you just brush me off after that, i expected better from you, do you know that?! i called some of your friends, asking whether did you mentioned anything to them, that was how worried i was!
well, i didn't know life was so not worth living for! after all you've been through...!
gosh... i'm having low blood pressure now. been having this sudden drop in sugar level for the past few days, just hope it's not something else i dread the most...
gosh, i ain't perfect!
i used to have thoughts of commiting suicide, imagine when i die, wondering who will come to my funeral, who will cry over my body. but HEY! i won't do THAT ANYMORE! life's still worth living!
i will be a good mother to my kids, i'll adopt kids too. i'll read to them story books every night, making them laugh with the very bad impersonation of the 3 lil' piggies. i'll kiss them good night, slobbering over them like a dog. i'll tell them how much i love them, unlike how little my mum has ever said such words to me...
shhh.
...I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightenin' out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've got to get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry...
we're all growing, learning, loving, each time we take a breath on this earth, do you know that? each time we smile, laugh, frown, it's emotions EVOKED.
perhaps we lost people in our life, perhaps we love someone who those not return the favor, perhaps we might feel like ending our life now, please don't lose hope. Hope is a beautiful thing (somebody thought me this...! *winks). it makes you carry on with your life, no matter hard it could be...
...The path that I'm walking I must go alone I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay...
slowly, you'll see how i feel.
...Like the little school mate in the school yard We'll play jacks and uno cards I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine Yes you can hold my hand if you want to 'Cause I want to hold yours too We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds But it's time for me to go home It's getting late, dark outside I need to be with myself and center, clarity Peace, Serenity...
listening: When You're Gone by AVRIL LAVIGNE mood: hmm. probably on cloud9.
i managed to 'OFFICIALLY' got to know him. pretty embarassing, though i had the help from my friends, esp Sue, Nirah'bella, Mariana, Danial, Prem and a couple more. thanks, guys. XD
... always needed time on my own I never thought I'd need you there when I cry And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie is made up on your side...
he reminded so much of a friend whom i've known a very long time back, probably 3 to 4 years ago. i regretted losing that friendship with that friend, due to some family issues, really regretted it.
we took the same bus together back, as we were living quite near, and started chatting. well, he's nice...
...I've never felt this way before Everything that I do reminds me of you And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now...
he actually asked what if he didn't want to be in relationship, how would i feel. so i replied, "do you want the truth or you want the lies?" he laughed, wanting the truth. i replied back... "well, i would be disppointed, no doubt. but i'll just take it that i've gained a good friend...!"
shh, he's a wonderful guy, that's what i can say, though i would secretly pray that something good will happen from now on...
Cute and sweet, and most gentle of all uke. Whips and chains are not for you - you just want someone to love you. You are often spotted in candy shops wearing furry kitty ears, where you are sure to be noticed by the Romantic Seme whose protective instincts will kick in and will only want to take you home and love and protect you. And you of course will be more than happy to spend the rest of your life baking cookies for your seme. Now you can get pins of your result here.
ara, ara. suki.luna's an INNOCENT UKE...! XD
finoa>> lurve euu lots.
...All I ever wanted was for you to know Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul...
suki.luna/jaws/AMELIA
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