...I laugh, I dream, I cry
When you take me on a roller coaster ride
You see me through and through
You see just who i am
Just take my hand and...

Labels: 2009, lost

Mood:

我知道,我不该POST在这里.



可是, 我已经忍无可忍了.



我也不知道我现在的DEPARTMENT的地位是什么呢???



*杂工的吧?

---

edit:



i am going to erase you slowly out of my life, that you do not know what had striked you, b*tch.

I told you once, i will tell you one last time.

our 6/7 years of friendship is down the drains. i did what i could to be a friend to you, but you blew it on your own.

don't blame me if you find yourself alone on the streets.
don't blame me if you find what i said all comes true.
don't blame me if you find that i am wrong.

blame yourself for whatever that happened to you.

simple as that.

Labels: 6 years friendship down the drain, afterthoughts, anger, breakup, directions, erase, life, lose everything, lost, love, lurve ones, lurves, MAJOR, SHORT-CIRCUIT, thanks, what about maturity, whatever

Mood: EXCITED
Listening: Kidnap My Heart by The Click 5

Guess what?!

I’ve just received a call from XXX, to head down for an interview this Monday! (For those who don’t know what I am talking about, too bad. XP)

I am so… So… So EXCITED!!! Immediately after the call, I gave a call to Ms Deon to inform her I ‘might’ get a place there! She said to go for it, and not hesitate to grab the place first.

After that, I called otou-san to tell him the good news. I was pretty worried too, cause we are left with very little time to get a place in the hotels. He said “Don’t worry, take it slow.” Daddy’s so sweet! XD

Later on, I sms-ed Ms Saadiah, Mr Francis and Ms Pauline. Ms Saadiah replied “Gd. Go for it.” But I still had some concerns and I told her I don’t have much confidence in convincing the HR personnel to take me as a trainee. She told me not to worry and she has confidence in me.

I also sms-ed ‘him’, cause just yesterday I was sms-ing him about my worries in the Industrial Attachment. He told me to “Jia You”.

Ms Pauline called me back at around 7pm, telling me that this would be a good place for my personality, and me as this place needs people who are versatile and positive. I did tell her my concerns, about how I felt not confident enough to convince the HR department. She assured me that I would be able to do so! She also continued saying that no matter what I am given to do, I will definitely do it. She believes in me, I guess so…

I’m going to do my BEST then!

God, give me the wisdom, so that during this interview I can ace it, and convince them to accept me as a trainee. And also give me the maturity to think through what I am going to answer during the interview, as this concerns my future as a fellow hotelier in the industry. I need confidence, bravery for this interview.

Gaah! I need my CONFIDENCE!!!

**Wanted to have a fashion photoshoot on Monday, but since got interview, hmm, I’ll postpone it to a later date…

Labels: before-thoughts, boo-yeah, directions, enjoy, final year, gaah, ganbatte, gimme, grown up, hospitality operations, HPO, hugs and lurves, ITE, JAWS, leaving, lost, MAJOR

mood: i don't know, everything's in a mess now...
listening: Right Where You Want Me by JESSE MCCARTNEY

gosh. why do i feel that everything in my mind is in a mess?! i can't seem to get anything right at all... feel like crap...

...Girl,
There's something 'bout me that you ought to know.
I've never felt the need to lose control.
Always held on back and played it slow.
But not this time.
Baby, don't be gentle,
I can handle anything...

let me set things straight before i throw myself of the cliff. Yes, i'm single and VERY AVAILABLE now. but right now, i'm not ready to be in a relationship. i don't want to be the vulnerable one in the relationship, i don't want to get so scared each time i'm w/ a guy, i want that guy to be CHOSEN by GOD.

...Baby,
Take me on a journey.
I've been thinking lately,
I could use a little time alone with you.
Crazy,
Let's do something, maybe.
Please don't take your time,
You got me,
Right where you want me...

i'm afraid of being CHEATED. i'm afraid of losing my MIND. i'm afraid of hurting my LOVE ONES.

yes, i'll be lonely being SINGLE, but do you think it's really a problem to me? no, it's not a problem to me, at all. though it's getting tempting now to be in a relationship, i will stay abide what i've promised to myself, and also to GOD.

i admit, i ain't no goody-goody CHRISTIAN, i stll have more to learn in LIFE!

...Can't explain it,
How you swept me off my feet, unexpectedly.
In slow motion,
My imagination's running, trying to keep my body still,
I can hardly stand the thrill...

so please, i'm not LOOKING for LOVE NOW!!!

...Baby,
Take me on a journey.
I've been thinking lately,
I could use a little time alone with you.
Crazy,
Let's do something, maybe.
Please don't take your time,
You got me,
Right where you want me...

Labels: afterthoughts, gaah, God's LurvE, grown up, lost, love, lurve ones, not looking, sweet lurve, tears, what about maturity

listening: big girls don't cry - FERGIE (boo-yeah!)
mood: blank. *ptui

you see, you have proven me right! and you finally knew the entry was dedicated to you!

you blame me for not having MSN?! bl**dy trivial! i'm not using hotmail anymore by the way!

maybe i am a kid trying to be an adult, gosh, aren't we all the same?

after what you've been through, can't i be worried for you? each time you're hurt, do you know i feel so crap-up for you?! each time you fall into depression, i feel so sh*tty!

okay, if you forgot your phone, i have nothing much to say. but do you know the way you just brush me off after that, i expected better from you, do you know that?! i called some of your friends, asking whether did you mentioned anything to them, that was how worried i was!

well, i didn't know life was so not worth living for! after all you've been through...!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

gosh... i'm having low blood pressure now. been having this sudden drop in sugar level for the past few days, just hope it's not something else i dread the most...

gosh, i ain't perfect!

i used to have thoughts of commiting suicide, imagine when i die, wondering who will come to my funeral, who will cry over my body. but HEY! i won't do THAT ANYMORE! life's still worth living!

i will be a good mother to my kids, i'll adopt kids too. i'll read to them story books every night, making them laugh with the very bad impersonation of the 3 lil' piggies. i'll kiss them good night, slobbering over them like a dog. i'll tell them how much i love them, unlike how little my mum has ever said such words to me...

shhh.

...I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry...

we're all growing, learning, loving, each time we take a breath on this earth, do you know that? each time we smile, laugh, frown, it's emotions EVOKED.

perhaps we lost people in our life, perhaps we love someone who those not return the favor, perhaps we might feel like ending our life now, please don't lose hope. Hope is a beautiful thing (somebody thought me this...! *winks). it makes you carry on with your life, no matter hard it could be...

...The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay...

slowly, you'll see how i feel.

...Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity...

I'M ECCENTRIC, don't forget this fact!!!!

Labels: adopt, afterthoughts, boo-yeah, change, dissapointed, don't cry, gaah, gimme, grown up, help, hurts, lost, love, more than words, over you, panic, thanks, unrequited love, what about maturity

listening: UMBRELLA - Rihanna
mood: gosh. do i have to talk about this...?

bleHX. something MAJOR happened b/w me and my son. blEHX. don't wanna talk about it.

i just finished reading "Keeping Faith" by Jodi Picoult. This novel is about this lady, Mariah White and her daughter Faith White. When Mariah found her husband cheating on her and her daughter, her world just basically was hanging on its strings. Faith starts to her voices, recites biblical passages etc etc. both of them starts to get strapped in the media's eyes. Mariah would have to start to stand on her own two feet...

whoa. i nearly cried when i was reading the book... gosh. i just LURVE this author's way of writing. it's not like some other author, always writing about love, love and love. can't they write something else instead...? it's just so touching, it'll just take you away into their crazy world. you can see how confused is everyone. you will feel the helplessness of Mariah. anyway, i'm thinking of getting this book...

at times, human beings get lost in their direction, though they have a map, do you agree on this...? i 'm still LOST, unlike some people who think that they are real PERFECT. (try me, i'll BITE) i STRIVE for PERFECTION, and i'm not afraid to say so. i make mistakes like any other human beings too, don't you?

i b*tch. i swear. i curse. i bite.

well, life ain't fair, i'm trying to get through with fears that i have. enough with crying already. enough with anger already. enough with all the sh*t you give me.

if people hurt you, you hurt them back, is it right?
if people curse and swears at your face, do you curse and swear back all the same?
gosh, if you do that. blEHx. you're DAMNED immature.
and i don't mind saying that again, "YOU'RE IMMATURE".

i will do my best, by staying close to that person who's hurting me. everyone does something for a reason, don't they? i'll stay by, stay close... i'll not leave that person alone, because i know how it feels to be alone. no one likes being alone, i can swear on this.

at times, i feel like i'm really like Severus Snape. well, he often pushes people away, those who cares for them too. we're ALOOF at times. yup, ALOOF.

at times, i don't really know whether have i trusted the right person, with the appropriate things... it's the trust at stake now... faith too...

how do you keep having FAITH, when people you love, you care, you trust, are being ________ towards you? how do you do so...? do you wait or you try your 'luck'? gosh.

i don't know. i really don't know.

he saved others; himself he cannot save. - MATTHEW 27:42

Labels: afterthoughts, directions, ITE, jodi picoult, lost, MAJOR, what about maturity