It’s funny when you found it so easy to rattle things off your mouth, without giving a thought for what I did. Was it so easy for you to pin the blame on me, when it is others who don’t give the chance?

You told me your girlfriend saw your messages and she went crazy. But have you realized how lonely my nights were without you? How much I was pining for you to take me away from where I am?

You are mad because I could not give you what you wanted, because taking was the easiest for you. Don’t’ you ever put words in my mouth about me being demanding, it goes to you too.

I don’t fucking care, if your sister is my good friend, and some people might read this, because I don’t fucking bother about you anymore.

I don’t exist, neither do you.

*I added you at Facebook, it’s really up to you to accept it, fucker.

raidaime: you told me not to bother with this type of bastard anymore, i am taking up your words on this. love you. :)

Labels: afterthoughts, friends, i am prettier than you, silly, the end, unrequited love, updates

I was asking otou-san what love meant and he said this…

“I can tell u what I think is love but I have no experience in it. The love u are talking about is probably the kind where when the person u like is not around and u miss having them around, u constantly think or are reminded about them, u find yourself wanting to do things for the person. U generally are happier and have a kind of mid excitement (something like that) when u are with them and interact with them. Some ppl become noticeably different from usual. Does that help?”

Honestly, it’s helping yet it isn’t. This confused feeing here in my heart understands yet it doesn’t. Is it because we are still confused with what we want and need? Is it possible that the answers have been there all these while, we are just too afraid to face the truth cause it hurts?

Love is a real wonderful feeling, it is about showing affection to the people you care for, like your family, friends and to your other half. But what becomes of Love if you abuse it? By cheating on your girlfriend? By hitting your child? By not telling the truth about how you feel? What is that called now?

I guess I am just like any typical girl, someone who is waiting for her Prince Charming to take her away.
Someone who will hold me close when things are terribly wrong, laying feather kisses on my forehead.
Someone who will tease me for being such a blur sotong, trying too hard not to laugh.
Someone who will look at me in the eye, before kissing me passionately under the rain.

When I find you, I will sing you the song from my heart, about how long I have been waiting for you.
I will act like a child in front of you, our pinkies tightly entwined.
I will kiss you back on your forehead, caressing you softly, though you might see a tinge of blush across my cheek.
I will look at you and pat you to sleep, like how a mother does, and smile about how Love is such an adventure.

Let’s get ourselves ready before we meet alright?
Let’s make the final changes before we go through our very last adventures together alright?
Let’s count the days we are left till we meet each other for the first time.

I have met you my dreams, haven’t I?
I guess we are close to reality right?

We will meet soon.

---

To Mr M: Since you are so bent on not replying ANY of my smses or even picking up of my calls, I am just going to leave you the way it is. If you want the friendship (which I guess you do not have any interest in the first place) talk to me. I don’t like guessing what the f*ck you have in your mind. I am being truthful already, it’s your answer that is going to mean everything.

Labels: 2009, love, unrequited love

mood: moo. moo. moo.
listening: Bridge to the Other Side

there's a Class Outing going on next week, argh, i'll only be returning form KL on that day ar... how??? *sigh*

i should start on my new year resolutions soon, man... maybe one for every month, how bout thaT? then i must motivate myself to do them..!!! *gosh, aren't i lazy?*

was inspired by curs' entry on her blog recently...

i miss...

GOD
CHURCh *i swear i ain't no goody 2 shoes christian*
being free!!!
some of my beloved friends i've not met for a very long time...
cosplaying as someone i can really relate myself to...
*curs, you, too... miss ya' nagging/SCOLDINGS!!!! XD*

gosh. i should really stop and take a lok around me, before i lose everything...

Labels: afterthoughts, bleh, boo-yeah, cursendra, directions, don't cry, God's LurvE, grown up, hugs and lurves, hurts, ITE, leaving, lose everything, lurve ones, sweet lurve, unrequited love, whatever

listening: big girls don't cry - FERGIE (boo-yeah!)
mood: blank. *ptui

you see, you have proven me right! and you finally knew the entry was dedicated to you!

you blame me for not having MSN?! bl**dy trivial! i'm not using hotmail anymore by the way!

maybe i am a kid trying to be an adult, gosh, aren't we all the same?

after what you've been through, can't i be worried for you? each time you're hurt, do you know i feel so crap-up for you?! each time you fall into depression, i feel so sh*tty!

okay, if you forgot your phone, i have nothing much to say. but do you know the way you just brush me off after that, i expected better from you, do you know that?! i called some of your friends, asking whether did you mentioned anything to them, that was how worried i was!

well, i didn't know life was so not worth living for! after all you've been through...!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

gosh... i'm having low blood pressure now. been having this sudden drop in sugar level for the past few days, just hope it's not something else i dread the most...

gosh, i ain't perfect!

i used to have thoughts of commiting suicide, imagine when i die, wondering who will come to my funeral, who will cry over my body. but HEY! i won't do THAT ANYMORE! life's still worth living!

i will be a good mother to my kids, i'll adopt kids too. i'll read to them story books every night, making them laugh with the very bad impersonation of the 3 lil' piggies. i'll kiss them good night, slobbering over them like a dog. i'll tell them how much i love them, unlike how little my mum has ever said such words to me...

shhh.

...I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry...

we're all growing, learning, loving, each time we take a breath on this earth, do you know that? each time we smile, laugh, frown, it's emotions EVOKED.

perhaps we lost people in our life, perhaps we love someone who those not return the favor, perhaps we might feel like ending our life now, please don't lose hope. Hope is a beautiful thing (somebody thought me this...! *winks). it makes you carry on with your life, no matter hard it could be...

...The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay...

slowly, you'll see how i feel.

...Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity...

I'M ECCENTRIC, don't forget this fact!!!!

Labels: adopt, afterthoughts, boo-yeah, change, dissapointed, don't cry, gaah, gimme, grown up, help, hurts, lost, love, more than words, over you, panic, thanks, unrequited love, what about maturity

just had a photoshoot today with jerica and sawatari! though it's DAMN last minute de... hahaX... suki.luna enjoyed herself a lot today!!! X3 though my costume was very de cosFUCk, but my lolita was so much damn better, that my photographers wanted to post some of the pics on the forum! well... i don't really think i'm photogenic or what... anyway will post new pics on friendster
!

kairi's now finally back in Singapore! but i didn't went to pick her up, cause tommorow got school, but managed to have a quick chat with her just now through my son, Claude's phone just now. really been some times since i've seen her, at least 3 to 4 months le. anyway am meeting her for makan this friday! yeah~ kairi, i shall EAT you on friday!!!!!

Ambivalent Lucidity
is finally completed! >,< gaah! i'm actually a small fan of Sakai Michiba! chased after this fanfic since last year! well, it'll feel odd not having to read this fanfic anymore, but nah, she/he stil has more productions to come! yeah~ and i found another fanfic to read! it's called Unrequited Love
! hahaX... more, more, more!!!! suki.luna wants to read more fanfics!!!!! gaaaaahhhhh!!!!!

one more thing... young SEVERUS SNAPE is a HOTTIE!!!! he's suki.luna's HOTTIE of the MONTh!!!!!

Psalm 94:19
"When doubts filled my m8ind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer"

Labels: ambivalent lucidity, cosFUCK, fanfics, kairi, photoshoot, sakai michiba, unrequited love